the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
