I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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