I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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