cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
