i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
