I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was like getting head from an anaconda
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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