mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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