My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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