Just mADE A PArabola og urine
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
