Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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