You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
