i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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