I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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