margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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