I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
