If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
