not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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