Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
