Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
