Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
