Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
