Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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