Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
