I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
