By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
