You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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