My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
