i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
