Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
