is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
