if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
