So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
