if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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