Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
