I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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