he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
