I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
