he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
