I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
