he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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