Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
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And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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