Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I could fuck to npr.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
