my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
