Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
