It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
