You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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