i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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