so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
