Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
