Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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