"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
