fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
