It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
