i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
