Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
