Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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