booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
