And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
