a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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