last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
