the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
