She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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