You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
