if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
