I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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