Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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