so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
