i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I deserve this hangover.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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